It has been 4 years since Michael has passed. It still seems like yesterday while at the same time it feels like forever ago. I can picture Michael's face clearly and hear his laugh clearly. I worried in the beginning that I would forget the sound of his laugh. Luckily, it is still as clear as day. I see things happen around me all the time that lead me to believe he is right beside me every step of the way. There are days where I still feel so much grief towards the loss of Michael. I think about him Every. Single. Day. There is no doubt in my mind I will ever go a day without thinking of him. Just the other day I cried for Michael. I cried because I thought about how I am now older than he was when he passed. I cried thinking about how I will continue to grow old and go through many chapters in my life, as I have already done in just 4 years, and he no longer has that chance. I cried because I pictured my self being an older woman and remembering this young man I fell in love with many many years ago and how I will never see this young man grow into an older, loving man. I cried for Michael because I knew this young man would never get to see his unborn children grow up and tell them the stories he wanted to tell them, and do science projects, and talk about outer space with them as he did with me. I cried for this beautiful soul that was taken too soon. 

Yes, this story in my life is a very sad story. It is heart breaking, and when I hear of it happening to others, my heart aches for them. I cry for them and the loss of their loved one. Because I still feel that ache to this day from my own loss. No one handles loss in the same way, and it is hard to understand how someone feels when they are going through it. But I will always mourn and carry that ache with me for myself and others because there is no pain worse than the loss of a loved one. Although time may heal, it never goes away.

I may carry that ache every day, but there is so much love and joy that has been brought into my life since the death of Michael. I have transformed into someone who loves so much stronger. I have carried that strength into a new relationship that I hold so dear to my heart. I may have lost the love of my life, but I have gained two more loves of my life. Shawn and his son have brought me so much joy. I never thought I could have so much love for not just one, but now THREE wonderful men. They are all wonderful in their own way. I am thankful for the memories I made with Michael, and I will always cherish them. I am thankful for the wonderful man and young man I now have in my life. I look forward to the many memories we will make together.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, I plan on popping the big question to Shawn this Saturday. I got the honors of saying yes to Michael in 2015, and Shawn got the honors of asking his ex-wife the big question about 10 years ago. So, I thought why not switch the script for a new chapter in mine, Shawn, and Weston’s life together.

This is my story up to this point. I want to thank all of you who have been so supportive to my family and I all this time. I thought it was only right to share where I am at in life, and to let all of you know that I am doing well.

We will all miss Michael dearly, but he is always watching over us. I do not think we could ask for a better angel.

Elizabeth Larrick